This Is Not Goodbye
by ewanobiwan
Summary: Qui-Gon’s thoughts and feelings as he dies and becomes one with the Force. The things he wishes he could say to Obi-Wan, but doesn’t. NON-SLASH! It's short so dont worry. one chap. PLEASE R/R! Thank you!


Title: This Is Not Goodbye  
  
Author: ewanobiwan  
  
E-mail: all_day_dreamer15@yahoo.com  
  
Disclaimers: This is all just for good fun and I'm not making any money off of this or anything like that. All characters belong to George Lucas unless I made them up myself.  
  
Spoilers: Uh.I don't think so. This is more or less like a vignette(sp? Is that even the right word? Lol) for the end of TPM.  
  
Summary: Qui-Gon's thoughts and feelings as he dies and becomes one with the Force. The things he wishes he could say to Obi-Wan, but doesn't.  
  
Author's Note: Yeah.so I'm taking a little break from my chapter story "Choices Of The Past And Present" and am writing little short stories I guess. I hope you enjoy this and PLEASE read and review! Thank you! Bad reviews are welcomed too! I did my best with this story.  
  
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As I have watched you grow up through the years, I've felt pride. You've turned out to be such a fine young man and an even finer Jedi. You've grown up so much over the years. You're no longer the impulsive and desperate young initiate I met twelve years ago, but you're a more patient and mature man.  
  
I know you better than maybe even you know yourself. I know what you're thinking or feeling, sometimes even before you know. I know how you fight in battles and when or where you'll move before you do. I have fought side by side with you for so long and it's hard to even comprehend that I no longer will be there to fight by your side.  
  
I can't see anything. I can't see you. I want to cry out to you or even just lift my head to see you, but I can't. It hurts too much and I don't think I have enough strength left to even just lift my head. I'm fading quickly Padawan. Please hurry.  
  
All I hear is the shuffling of feet and lightsabers clashing over and over again in a speed that seems to be getting so fast it's almost dizzying. I may not be able to see you, but I can feel you. Your presence is so bright it could almost be blinding. But in that normally bright presence I feel darkness. Fear and anger. I can feel you trying to clamp it down and let it go, but I can also feel you feeding off of it. Don't let your anger control you Obi-Wan. I know you're angry, but don't give into it.  
  
I failed you. I've failed you so many times, but you're always there to greet me with a smile as if I didn't fail you at all. I've been so close to the dark side before and almost killed a living being in an attempt to get revenge for killing one I love. I let you down that day and in fact the many days before that fateful day when I came so close.so close. You didn't care about that fact though. You were just happy that I hadn't done it and that I came back to you. I failed you that day and I betrayed the Jedi Order. Everything that the Jedi stood for.  
  
It's getting harder to hold on, but I can't, I won't leave just yet. I can't give in. I must say goodbye to you. There's so many things that I long to tell you, but I don't know if I'll be able to. Even now. I want to tell you how sorry I am for everything that I've ever done wrong. I want to tell you how proud I am of you and how much I love you. You are my son. My family. You're everything to me and no one, not even Anakin, could ever take your place in my heart.  
  
I hear silence now. Where are you? Are you ok? I want to get up so badly and find you put I can't even sit up, let alone stand up. I can feel it now, as I stretch out my senses. You're in trouble. I wish I could save you. I can feel the triumph of the Sith through the dark ripples in the force.  
  
My sight is starting to betray me. It's fading. I see darkness now. It's getting harder for me to see and I fear that I may not get to say goodbye to you and that you too, will become one with the force on this fateful day with me. I feel a huge ripple in the force and I can feel you gathering it and then I hear the sound of a lightsaber igniting and cutting through something before, after a long few moments, I hear it power down and then soft footsteps running towards me. I don't know if it's you Obi-Wan or that Sith.  
  
Opening my eyes I see your youthful face looking down at my. Oh Obi-Wan! I'm so happy to see you still alive and unharmed. You killed the Sith. I'm so proud of you. You're calling me now as you cradle my head in your lap. You look so sad. I tell you it's too late and you, ever so positive, deny it. I know you know the truth. Why else would you be so sad my Obi-Wan?  
  
I say your name and ask you to promise me that you will train Anakin. How stupid of me. All I want to do is tell you how proud of you I am and tell you how much you mean to me, but still, even now, I don't let you into my heart. Or at least fully and I do not tell you. All you've ever wanted from me was love and you've always wanted me to just let you into my scarred heart. I have never told you how much you really mean to me and I've never told you how much you've changed me. I was a cold-hearted grump of a man when you first came into my life, but you changed me. You made me open up my heart again and you made me laugh again and feel truly happy. I want to thank you for that and for everything you've ever done, but I don't.  
  
You agree to train the boy. Ever the faithful and loyal Padawan. Always doing as I wished and following me through everything. By my side always.  
  
I reach up to touch your cheek one last time and wipe away the tears that are falling from your beautiful blue-green eyes. Don't cry Obi-Wan. Not for me, not now. This isn't goodbye Padawan; I will see you again someday. When your time comes and you become one with the Force I will be there waiting for you with open arms. We will talk about and share our memories. We'll laugh at the good times and cry about the bad times. Thankfully there were few of those. Your day will come, but now.now you need to train a young boy and don't close your heart to him. Don't let one loss of someone you loved turn you into a cold man as it had to me.  
  
I remind you again that Anakin is the Chosen One. I feel myself being pulled away and I watch, as you grow further away. Suddenly, I'm in the room with you and I'm watching you as you weep silently cradling my body close to yours now. My heart is breaking at the site and I wish that I could reach out and touch you. Tell you that it's ok, but you wouldn't here me or feel me.  
  
I kneel in front of you watching you. Taking in your youthful face one last time. Permanently etching your face into my head. I reach out and embrace you into a tight hug, but I know that you can't feel my arms around you or the comfort I'm trying to send to you. I feel your unbelievable pain through the Force and it's almost as if you can feel me, for it feels as if you've crying has slowed and your body seems more relaxed.  
  
You know your duties and that you must return to the real world. After a few more minutes alone with my body you regain control of yourself and levitate my body as you slowly walk next to it out of the room. I watch you go and I do not follow you. It's time for me to leave.  
  
I see a light now and I feel myself floating towards it. As I watch you walk away from me I speak words that I know you will not hear. "I will be with you always Obi-Wan. I will be watching over you. I love you, my son. Thank you for the wonderful gift you gave me. You brought happiness back into my life and made my last twelve years delightful. I will miss you, but I will never be far from you. I'll forever be in your heart and memories. All you have to do is call upon those times and I will be there. Forever. Until we meet again. Farewell my Padawan, my friend, my only family I've ever really known, and my Son."  
  
Then it almost seems as if you heard me for you seem to stand a little straighter and your head seems to lift a little higher. Yes, you will be fine. You will go on to do great things. I have no doubt of that.  
  
I can no longer see you, but I see Anakin He's smiling brightly. As I drift off into nothing but a welcoming light I see people celebrating. It's over. Yes this battle is over, but I fear that the battle for the galaxy and for peace is far from over. It has only just barely begun.  
  
  
  
  
  
There it is! I hope you enjoyed it and PLEASE let me know what you think! Thank you!  
  
Much love and peace, ewanobiwan 


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